He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
