this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
