my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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