I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
