Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize