In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it hurts more in the daytime
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
