Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You ruined the universe
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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