mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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