my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
