dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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