shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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