where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
