i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
