RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
