and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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