don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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