i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize