i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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