Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
