anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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