It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
