I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
