I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
