Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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