We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
