forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
