he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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