Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
