fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
