so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
