Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
