I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
