he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im about as happy as oj after his trial
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
