dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
