The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want to be your penis for a week.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
