What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
