FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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