his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
