i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Bay diarrhea
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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