she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
