i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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