I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
