haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
