At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
