Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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