No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
