Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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