your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
