Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
