I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
