just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
