His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
