So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
