playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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