I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize