Nicole vs. Life
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
