the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
