Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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