Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
