meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
