So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
