I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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