If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
