I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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