john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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