Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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