I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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