I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i came on her dog
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
