he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He? As in you personified your dick?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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