based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize