So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
