I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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