no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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