This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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