im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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