I think I died a long time ago.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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