i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
