Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
