P.S. I can't hear my feet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
