ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
