You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
