yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
