even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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