Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
