u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
