You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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