I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize