Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
