some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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