Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i believe in u and ur pee
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
