I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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