You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nutella sex= disaster
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
