People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
