everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
