Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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