Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
