today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
