How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
