I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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