Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
