I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
