38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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